Stress

"It's not the stress that kills us. It's our reaction to it." -Hans Selye


Sometimes there are moments where it seems like there are never enough hours in the day. There are moments where you have to decide whether you have to skip a meal, a workout, a few hours of sleep or more to do the work that needs to be done. And then there are moments where you stretch yourself so thin, you feel like no what how hard you work, how much time you put in, you're always falling behind.


School is hard. College is harder. Majoring in chemistry in college is rough (not to underscore how hard other majors are, but if you've ever taken organic chemistry, you would sympathize). Today was one of those days where I would myself, knee deep in a lab report that needed to be turned in at a specific time. I had completed it and submitted with 5 minutes to spare. But at what cost? I was unable to do the prelab for the lab that was starting right after the turn in deadline. So here I am, using what was supposed to be my lab time to instead write about how stress has consumed me more than ever. From the time I woke up, 7:30am to that turn-in deadline 2:00pm, it has been non stop. Test-taking over a topic I haven't had enough time to properly digest, lectures over a math concept I know little about, a quick 15 minute lunch because minutes are precious, and a coffee in hand as I walk out of the dining hall and straight to the library. Three hard hours of preparing a lab report that could make the difference between an A and a B in the class pass by. And the stress mounts and mounts.


My mind flickers to the possibility of having to forego taking the 30 minutes to write my prelab in order to have the best lab report I can write with the limited amount of time given. And then it becomes a reality. I start suppressing the urge to cry and the physical symptoms that come with it, runny nose, watery eyes, cracked voice. But of course as I had to explain to my TA why I couldn't participate in lab, it began to show. I quickly made my exit and quietly teared up on my way back to the library to rest my head in one of the carrels before I had to once again resume completing time-sensitive coursework in a few hours.


I was looking up stress quotes and I stumbled onto one from Hans Selye, an Austrian endocrinologist who studied stressors. I thought it was a very smart quote because it is true. The reason I broke and cried today was because I chose to react in such a manner. I let myself be weak for a moment and it took over. I am normally not a crier but sometimes and stress of schoolwork is enough to make it happen. In a way, it helps release some of the tension and anxiety that had built up. I guess it is a good thing because it means that I care about my studies and I genuinely want to do well in all my classes. But sometimes it becomes too much. Falling behind is like a slippery slope. Once you miss a step, it becomes progressively harder to regain your footing.


I figure I should leave this on a positive note because I don't want to feel sad after writing this and I don't want anyone to feel sad reading this. I will say that I have emailed one of my professors to arrange a meeting outside office hours that I'm hoping will become the first of many regular visits. I have begun writing my prelab to prepare for the day that make up labs are held. I have recovered my little anxiety episode. So things are getting better.


Lastly, I was looking at an article on ways to reduce stress and I copied down a few that stuck out to me.

-Write about it.

-Take a nap

-Exercise/Yoga

-Breathe.


Keeping a gratitude/happiness journal and write down things that you are grateful for for things that made you happy. I've been thinking about doing this and combining it with typography and quotes.

xx

December 20, 2013: Travel Pains

"I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them." -Mark Twain

I think this will go down as one of the worst days of my life.  I check out of my hostel with over 2 hours before my flight departs so I think I have time. I spend time waiting at Termini Station to get on a bus to the Airport. Time is a little tight but the airport is less than 10 miles away so I think it’s going to be fine. And then traffic. Fucking Rome traffic. I swear those Romans are god-awful drivers. I don’t know if it’s their fault or if it is the poor city planning that’s to blame.  I’m pissed so I say both. It took 15 minutes just to get out of the busy part of Rome.  Long story short, I missed my flight and the next one was 8 hours later.  So I’m waiting in the airport frantically trying to reach my best friend.  She finally calls and my phone can’t get her call. I start panicking because I know that she’s scared and the Information Desk isn’t very helpful, directing me to a payphone that I’m pretty sure was broken.  I go into a souvenir shop begging the lady to let me borrow a phone. She is just an unhelpful and directs me to the payphone that doesn’t work.  Customer Service must be a foreign concept in Italy.  The people at American Airlines would bend over backwards to help me out.  Thankfully, an Italian lady saw how frantic I was and let me borrow her phone to make a call.  I will never forget that. It renews my hope that there are still good people in this world.  I hope karma rewards her for her kindness.

After a few more grueling hours of waiting, I was finally on a plane to Madrid.  Once I landed in Madrid and collected my luggage, I hopped into a taxi towards the hotel.  We drove through the streets of Madrid and all the Christmas lights they had set up for the holiday season.  I arrived at the hotel and was finally reunited with my best friend Susan after what seems like ages.  It was so refreshing to be in a hotel with a full size bed and my own bathroom after staying at hostels for the past week. 

December 19, 2013: Day Two in Rome

"Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, is the ideas of living." -Miriam Beard

I realized after all of my travelling that it takes a day to figure out how to properly navigate a new city.  By now, I knew where to get on my bus and where to go.  I decided to go back to Vatican City and see the Vatican Museum.

I will never forget the moment before I was about to enter the Vatican museum.  I was stopped by a man who was trying to sell me a tour with a guide around the Vatican Museum for 40 euros. I tried to bow out but he was very persistent and would not let me leave. I just had to walk away and less than 10 seconds another one approaches me. Like seriously? Did you not just see me talking to your comrade? I was going to tell him the same thing I told the first guy and then a British girl walks by having just left the Vatican Museum and yells over to me “Don’t listen to him! It’s a scam!” and a part of me wanted to yell back so badly “I KNOW!” like right in the guy’s face to let him know that I wasn’t falling for it. So heed my warning, never take a tour offered by a guy on the street. Plan it out beforehand. Rome definitely wasn’t as museum-heavy as Amsterdam but this one museum had more than enough to entertain me. Spend a couple hours at the Vatican Museum and you will be thoroughly satisfied.  At first I was a little hesitant at paying 16 euros to get into the museum but then I realized that it is a very large museum, like a museum conglomerate. You will get your money’s worth plus extra.

I remember after finishing walking through the Vatican Museum, I was trying to find the beautiful spiral staircase that I had seen in photos. I was about to head towards the exit but something was telling me to go back and find it. I was at the gift shop that was arranged around a circular banister.  Across from be I see people start to walk down an incline and then I looked over the banister and sure enough I had found the staircase.  It made for a gorgeous photo.

After the Vatican Museum I walked around to kill time until a free walking tour of Rome was to start.  I went to a McDonalds and was surprised at how packed it was.  It just goes to show how influential America is.  I ordered my meal and a Pistachio Mcflurry that I’m pretty sure was just a vanilla Mcflurry with crushed pistachios and green flavoring. 

Once I met up with the tour guide and met some nice people, we travelled around Rome.  The guide was a little soft-spoken and the tour was not as great as the one in Amsterdam, but I still learned a lot about the ancient city.  I got my photo taken at the Trevi fountain and saw a someone proposing to his girlfriend in front of the fountain. After parting ways, I walked back to my hostel and on the way bought a few souvenirs for my family and ate dinner at a nearby pizzeria. I packed up my things and fell asleep, ready for tomorrow. Ciao Roma!

December 16, 2013: Day Two in Amsterdam

"Maybe you had to leave in order to miss a place; maybe you had to travel to figure out how beloved your starting point was." -Jodi Picoult

With my only full day in Amsterdam, I was determined to see as much of the city as I possibly could.  I started my day off with a breakfast provided by the hostel of two pieces of toast and a boiled egg.  But I’m not complaining.  At least they had breakfast. My first stop was De Niewke Kerk, the New Church, which was having an exhibit on the Chinese Ming Dynasty.  The exhibit was very enlightening and was full of many ancient Chinese artifacts.  I bought a gift at the gift shop to bring back for my Chinese teacher.  By this point, I had gotten the hang of navigating through the city by tram and I journeyed on to the Museumplein.  I took a photo of the famous Iamsterdam sign and went on to the Van Gogh Museum. 

The only problem with packing your schedule is that it leaves very little time to savour the museum. I had only spent about 45 minutes at the Van Gogh museum. I did this in order to make it in time for a free walking tour of Amsterdam by Sandeman’s New Europe Tour Company. They hold walking tours at most of the major cities in Europe.  Their tours are free but they operate on a tip-based service.  My tour was led by the wonderful Kendra who kept our entire group of 30 entertained for the whole 3 hours.  I tipped her a whole 5 euros for her amazing service.  I learned so much about the city that I never would have known (like why the De Oude Kerk aka the Old Church is in the center of the Red Light District) had I not gone on this tour.

As the day turned to night, I took the opportunity to wander around the Illuminade Walking Tour, held in conjunction with the Amsterdam Light Festival.  There were a few gorgeous pieces however at times it was hard to navigate.  My advice is to take the Watercolors Canal Cruise if you want to see most of the beautiful light pieces. However the compilation of lamps called “We Light Amsterdam” on the Walking Tour is a can’t-miss.  The end of the walking tour signaled the end of my day in Amsterdam.  And it was a great one.

December 15, 2013: Day One in Amsterdam

“Some tourists think Amsterdam is a city of sin, but in truth it is a city of freedom. And in freedom, most people find sin.”

― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

This morning I said goodbye to the city I called home for 3 months. All good things must come to an end. I arrived in Amsterdam and kicked off my 48 hours in Amsterdam like a typical tourist by indulging at a Burger King in Schiphol Airport. The airport is conveniently situated above the train station and for less than five euros; I’m transported to Centraal Station in the city center of Amsterdam. Pot and prostitution. Yes, Amsterdam's got it. But don’t let the image of girls in windows in the Red Light District and the pungent aromas of marijuana overshadow the beauty of Amsterdam. The people there were very nice.  On two occasions, someone helped carry my absurdly heavy suitcase.

I checked into the hostel I was staying at and set out to explore the city. I walked down what I think was a Christmas Market and bought mini Dutch pancakes covered in nutella. And once I figured out how the tram worked, I went to Dam Square. The numerous lights that lined the streets set a very Christmas-y mood. Having run low on euros, and desperate to conserve my money, I ate a chicken burger out of a FEBO, a fusion between fast food and vending machines. How has the US not caught onto this concept yet? I walked around hopelessly getting lost in all the streets, which names I couldn't even pronounce if I tried.

It was with great fortune that my trip coincided with the Amsterdam Light Festival. I took a canal cruise through the most gorgeous pieces of illuminating 3-D art that I have ever seen. Photos do not do it justice. Especially when you have a cheap camera, which takes worse photos than an iPhone. For my first day in Amsterdam, I would say that it definitely isn't as glamorous as I thought it would be. Nonetheless, it is a great city with its own quirkiness.

The M-Word

"At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets." -Steve Maraboli

          "Seniors 2013. No Regrets." Remember the phrase every senior would say at least once during their final year of high school. We have all heard some form of it or another. When you look past the you-only-live-once-so-do-whatever-you-want mentality and arrive at the true essence of the quote, you realize how true it actually is. I think we have all heard that you should never regret your mistakes because each of them makes you who you are. That being said, I am very hesitant to call deciding to come to St. Andrews the m-word. It may have fallen short of expectation, but I would not take back the 3 and a half months I spent at St. Andrews. I met so many people from all over the world (a German boy on my left and a South African girl across the table in Biology labs). I get the chance to see Edinburgh, Amsterdam, Rome, Madrid & Barcelona, places that I probably never would have fathomed visiting if I had not chosen to go to St. Andrews.

        I have come to the conclusion that over the years I have adopted a somewhat-pessimistic point of view. I would think about all the mistakes I made, the money I lost and the time I wasted.  And that is a terrible way to look at life. And I would much rather focus on what I gained instead of what I lost.  Yes, I may have missed out on the traditional American college experience my first semester out, but I had so many new experiences by going to St. Andrews and learned so much about myself.  I don't see my first semester as a mistake.